On My Mind: TMI

As I sit here at my desk, I have already:

1) Checked my email and assorted email lists such as VSL, Indeed, Going, MediaBistro.
2) Checked some freelance sites such as Craig's list, elance.
2) Visited Facebook and read all related posts regarding my posts. Tried to be quirky, funny, provocative.
3) Looked at the top pages for The San Francisco Chronicle, LA Times, and the New York Times.
4) Listened to 4-5 Writer's Block podcasts. Myla Goldberg, Anne Lamott, Mirielle Guillano, Neal Pollack.
5) Am currently listening to Fresh Air about the drug wars in Afghanistan.
6) Checked my horoscope--says to plan travel. Checked my tarot: accept nurturing from friends.
7) Looked up the drug Levaquin (which has a line over the first E as if to tell me, idiot, how to pronouce it) to see if it has any weird contraindications. It is an antibiotic to treat a weird bump I have on my right shoulder.

I have also
1) scrubbed my sink
2) cleaned out my cat's ears and given them some supervised fresh air
3) ate oatmeal and drank coffee
4) watered my jasmine plant which is starting to blossom
5) researched some things such as a cheap ticket to Portland ($209), the Xeric foundation, a restaurant to eat at tonight= Little Dom's
6) been thinking about new music, in particular Buraka Som Sistema
7) cleaned out my closet, or at least I organized by item. I do not have shirts in my dresses anymore.

But what have I learned?

That I am grazing and getting a patchy knowledge which may be equal to a general sense of distraction. I am churning. I have a burning interest in knowledge but it is disparate. I am preparing myself to write about clickstreams, but it almost feels like writing about consciousness. The only time I ever felt that I actually listened to myself was when I did a meditation retreat at Spirit Rock Medition Center. Perhaps I am being influenced by the book FEED, which I read before I went to bed last night. I am fantasizing about my upcoming residency at Jentel in Wyoming to recalibrate.

Is clickstream consciousness's exoskeleton? Is Wyoming an antibiotic for the mind? Is it time for me to unplug? Why is there a weird pleasure of knowing? What amount of effort should anyone put forth in being cognizant of the outside world? How can one take the pressure off and form a peaceable gateway between your human self and the vast wilds of information?

All I know is that I will not be Googling any of these questions.

Dinner party, anyone?

A Rare Thing: The Moth Podcast

I tend to hoard the Moth Podcast for when I work out at the gym. It is almost integral to my health regimen because it so artfully takes over my mind so I can plod on the treadmill. Which really isn't what I am trying to do, incidentally, I am trying to *connect* my body and mind, but instead my first instinct is to take it even further and find something so delicious to put in my ears so that I don't even notice my health march on the rubber rat wheel.

Today I was listening to Ed Gavagan's "Drowning on Sullivan Street" and "Victim's Impact" and literally started crying. Not from a charleyhorse, but the beauty and humanity of his story. It is about a guy who turns a streetcorner, not knowing that a group of gang members are waiting to try to kill the first person they see. Another story that kills me is Ted Conover's "Sing Sing Tattoo" about a prison gaurd's fascination with a line of verse he can't place. Gorgeous. Rudy Rush's "Harlem Cowboy" should be a part of every school's curriculum, it is so lovely. It is a simple story about unlikely friends who become like family.

So many times when I go to readings, or pick up literary journals, or even read the New Yorker, I am astounded by the lack of affect the work has on me. Of course, the stories in The Moth are true, and told without notes (or so they say, but I hope they let people have index cards or something), and they are so artful and moving, they slay me almost every time.

Perhaps it is empathy or emotion that is lacking in fiction for me right now. I don't know how much anyone has ever been moved by style and artifice, but an honest lump in the throat really gets to me.

But why do I listen to this while I am working out? Well many of the stories are LOL hilarious. I have noticed I am one of the few people to hoot in laughter at the gym. But also, maybe if you are trying to exercise your body it makes sense to try to put your emotions through their paces at the same time. Oh and here is a link to some samples you can hear online if downloading is too much of a committment.

The Sprout, the Bean, the Dream Angels Push Up Bra

I know it's weird.

I was working at Greens restaurant as a hostess. Probably a job that ranks up there with telemarketing. The space is beautiful and right on the pier at Ft. Mason Center in San Fracisco. As in most restaurants it is mostly dinner theatre: the cast and crew of the food serving drama. I was desperate for a job during my second year of my MFA degree. So I would sit in the office and answer calls, confirm and make reservations, and then head downstairs for showtime. My job was to slot people into tables in an even manner sort of like an advanced game of Tetris.

I was not very good at it. I had never waited tables and did not have much patience for other people's egos. There were beautiful sights: the young boy who brought his girlfriend in, blindfolded for a clandestine dinner date. The time I finally saw Remington Steele in person, when Pierce Brosnan dined there with his wife. I imagined him and I together since I was about 11, his dark hair and strong jaw. And the piece de la resistance: when they had a party for David Mamet's play that was opening at the Magic Theatre next door. I had a play that I was working on with three other writers, Four Echoes, and was a big fan. The gang at the restaurant made show up to the party and serve him a glass of champagne. I congratulated him on the opening of his new play and said that I had just had a play accepted at a theatre lab. He said, "well congratulations to us both." Then I swooned a little bit, which is a lot for me.

And as time went on, I was making very little money, but it was so hard to find a job in San Francisco. They brought in new people to work the phones. One of which was Joanna Newsom.
She was adorable and shy in a very gentle way. I asked her what she really wanted to do and she said she was a harpist. I thought to myself, writing is tough, but it must be even worse being a harpist.

I left the restaurant soon after, and heard her first album--it was beautiful and full of playful joy and moments of yearning. I went to see her play a big, sold out concert and watched the fanboys swoon at her dulcet performance.

And now, sitting watching TV there are familiar sounds of the song The Sprout and the Bean as the Victoria's Secret Angels strut their stuff. Its just a big pool of cultural dissonance, not that I feel that the song does not give a certain winged beauty and satin panties kind of vibe.

To me it just heralded: the question of selling out is moot. Not even worth discussing. The only thing that is worth debating is why the issue of selling out is a nonstarter. I was in Urban Outfitters and the by song by MIA "Paper Planes" which was featured prominently in Slumdog Millionaire, was playing, it is about being a 3rd world hustler.

All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)
And (KKKAAAA CHING!)
And take your money

The song at Urban Outfitters had been edited to take out the gunshots. Which I can see why you wouldn't want realistic gun shot sounds effects in your store while people are shopping, but then again, it is Urban Outfitters. We are living in age where we clean up songs about being a hustler.

And of course, if you go into a store, or watch tv, people will try to sell you things, even using songs that you consider artful. I think selling out is an American thing, where we have art and product. I think of Scandinavian design where every utilitarian item--a spoon, a vase, eyeglasses, a car---all have artful and considered design behind them. I doubt there is much of an issue of "selling out" when artistry is considered in the production of everyday items.


Could the Sprout and the Bean and the Dream Angels Push Up Bra be my Proustian Madeleine?

EVERYBODY IS A CRITIC

Here is my small book review in the April 2009 issue of San Francisco Magazine for The Pocket History of Sex in the 20th Century. It is interesting to me because the other review I saw of this book is by Alison Bechdel in the New York Times (author of Fun Home which looks like a book I would really enjoy).





Oh and sorry about the sh*tty scan, it is on page 44. I am in the process of updating my home office and I know I need something 10x better if not 2x better. Here is the text of the review I wrote, buy San Francisco Magazine (beautiful, glossy!) or visit them online here.

JANE VANDENBURGH: A POCKET HISTORY OF SEX IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
(Counterpoint)

In Vandenburgh’s memoir, the Point Richmond-based author (Failure to ZigZag, The Physics of Sunset) is oppressed by a personal history that falls short of the 1950s ideal of white picket fences and wholesome perfection of a conventional family. As John Updike said of his WASPy upbringing, “We did have an identity, not like water but more like milk. There is a color even if it’s white and the milk is now stale in the glass.” Vandenburgh’s struggle for identity is first with her bohemian parents: a possibly gay father who commits suicide, and a mother who ends up in a mental institution. Growing up in a well-to-do extended family, Vandenburgh’s experiences mark her as a misfit. Yet, tensions in this memoir do not come from sex, as the title would suggest, but from the author’s desire for a lost normality. As Vandenburgh moves through the cultural landscape key characters disappear off the page, and society becomes the focus of the story. In the end, with lucid and moving prose, Vandenburgh shines her life through a cultural prism and expectations of society, class, and gender separate before the reader as clearly as colors on a wall. B

ERIN JOURDAN

Erin Jourdan's Copywriting Portfolio

I think it is a fun visual aid, even if you can't really read the type!

Favorite new spam.

Wake up your hot monster Star Kaleidoscope

Think You Know Much About "Intimacy"?

Unbelievably healthy living, come to our site to claim it.


Pretty nice huh? A little gem hanging out in my spam filter.
Maybe I should meditate on this for a while.

My lists of things that will hopefully go away, or return due to the recession.

Things that will hopefully go away with the recession:

1) Space Tourism
Why do we need a bunch of rich assholes in space? So that they can stand or float or whatever they do, above the Earth and scream, I am king of the world? Yuck. Stay home.
2) Children with Cell Phones
When I was kid, my parents would say "go out in the yard and play." Every time I see a kid with a screen attached to their face I feel nauseous. I mean I know you have to keep track of your kids and it is scary out there, but please there has got to be a better way to do it. Can't some things just be for adults? Like telecommunications?
3) Teeth Whitening Strips:
Everything is teeth whitening these days, including my english muffin in the morning. Maybe tomorrow I will have a teeth whitening bagel with some teeth whitening OJ.
4) Atkins, or high protein diets.
Dude, we need to go back to lentils.
5) Fees: From $80 dollar PARKING tickets to an $850 bill for talking non-hands free (would you call that hands on?) the government and business are nickle and diming people to death. That is groceries for a family of four for at least a week. Or one 8 hour workday for someone getting around minimum wage. Disgusting.
8) Suspenders, whether on hipsters or bankers. They look gross on everyone. Even Santa.
9) Frenemies
Know who you can trust and who you can't and don't get them confused.
10) Reality TV: I am so sick of stupid people baited to act even worse. Might as well just watch monkeys have sex.
11)Blockbuster Hollywood Movies: Benjamin Button has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Treacle and moron entertainment. Hello, brought to you by the same screenwriter as Forrest Gump.
11) Octuplets. That is just gross and the biggest one was 3 pounds 4 ounces and the smaller one was 1 pound 8 ounces. We aren't cats, people! We are not meant to have 8 babies at once.
12) THE IDEA THAT IN A ECONOMIC DOWNTURN WE SHOULD MAKE PROSTITUTION LEGAL SO WE CAN TAX IT. This is the most offensive thing I have ever heard. I really want my niece to know that she can grow up ina world where the available professions for her are: Secretary of State, or Prostitute. That is SICK.

Things that I hope will make a comeback:
1) Design
If you are going to have an object why not have a well-considered one.
2) Hobos
They are like homeless people with class and panache.
3) Gardens
Grow your own food and delight in it, give it to friends, celebrate.
4) Books
As a total nerd I can't wait to troll for more books.
5) Candlelight
Classic, beautiful, makes everyone look better now that we can't afford expensive makeup and plastic surgery. Also no one can tell that you haven't had your hair done in three months.
6) Potluck Dinners
Always a crowd pleaser and spreads the risk of a bad dish around.
7)Rent Parties
Don't you just want to go to a party, pay 5 bucks and listen to some jazz? This is how the community used to come together to help those who have fallen on hard times.
8) Meditation
I want Paris Hilton dressed in a hairshirt doing zazen.
9) The New York Times
Rumors of the demise of the grey lady have to be false. I can not imagine a world without her.
10) People who do great things for free.
Such as the "Hillbilly Millionare" Warren Hellman who helms Hardly Strictly Blueglass- completely free, with free water and recycling experts who help you separate your trash. I have been there twice and think it is the most lovely thing ever.

Feel free to comment on my blog with your thoughts and additions!